So what has your husband heard about sex – probably when you weren’t around?

I will do a couple of posts on this. Today I want to talk about what he heard as a teenager.

Most of what he heard came from other boys and it was very much a case of the blind leading the blind with a strong dose of confirmation bias going on. Teenage boys talk a great deal about sex and much of what they say has nothing to do with reality. 

Girls want sex but are afraid to admit it.

The ugly corollary is that because of this you should push and you should never assume no means no. Pushing for sex is actually doing her a favour because it allows her to say no a few times so she can feel good about herself and still have the sex she wants.

Yeah, guys really say this. And they believe it.

If a girl isn’t wearing a bra, she’s looking for sex.

When I was in high school we all knew this was a fact. I doubt this is still being said because being braless is far more common today, but it still illustrated an important point. Every teen boy knew when a girl wasn’t wearing a bra and it made us more sexually aware of those girls. We assumed, wrongly, that the girls knew this and therefore not wearing a bra was a way of signalling a willingness to have sex. This was especially true if a girl showed up for a date without a bra. This one ties back to the first one; she wants it, but she can’t say she wants it, so being braless is her way if telling a guy to go for it.

When we assume the other sex knows something that is common knowledge for our gender, we set everyone up for problems.

If she doesn’t orgasm it’s because she’s uptight.

It’s not you dude, it’s her. She’s too worried about the good girl thing to relax and enjoy it. And BTW, she should totally be able to climax from intercourse.

She knows how much she is showing and she’s doing it intentionally.

This is another assumed knowledge issue. It wasn’t until I met Lori that I realised how untrue this one was. I know it caused some guys to push hard for sex because again, it’s a way of signalling she is down for sex.

You can’t rape a tease.

The thinking was that teasing is a game; see how far you can go without really doing anything. If you go too far he takes what he wants and the girl understands she misjudged and lost the game. Whatever sex occurred was her penalty for losing the game and she accepted it as such.

Not everyone bought this one, but some did and others used it as an excuse to take sex by force. What makes this one even worse is most of what guys saw as teasing girls didn’t see as teasing.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and yeah, that’s ugly stuff.

A post worth reading:

PsyPost | Speed dating study provides real-world insight into what men and women find most attractive ◄ “…body features (e.g. waist, hips) do not determine attractiveness.”

Image Credit: `© olly | stock.adobe.com
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