When you got married you might have had some fear or concern about having sex. Or you might have been cautiously excited. Or you might have been really looking forward to it.

For your husband, the situation was different. He was unbelievably excited at the thought of regular sex.

If you married him right out of high school, he’d been dealing with his over the top sex drive for five or six years. But it’s common today for a man to struggle with his sex drive for a decade or more before he gets married. Even if he was having sex before he met you, it wasn’t enough. Studies find single guys have less sex than married men and have sex far less regularly. The bottom line is he was desperately horny for pretty much every waking hour between the onset of puberty and your wedding night.

And there you were, the always open all you can eat sex buffet! No more having to find or struggle to avoid porn, no more masturbating, no hooking up. He could have as much as he wanted as often as he wanted.

Except of course that didn’t happen. And it’s not your fault or wrong that it didn’t happen. His expectations were totally wrong and even if you were 100% sex-positive and exceptionally horny you could not have kept up with him.

What I want you to get from this is an understanding of why he was as he was. It wasn’t his fault any more than it was your fault. His wrong expectations seemed valid to him and all of his friends would have agreed. I’m not attacking you for being unable or unwilling to meet his expectations. Trying to do that would have created an unsustainable situation that would have eventually blown up. But I do want you to realise he was not being as insensitive as you thought. He was wrong, but he was wrong with good reason and a whole lot of pent up sexual frustration. And when you failed to meet his impossible expectations, it hurt him deeply.

If you get it, if you understand how he felt, why he felt that way, and why it was not his fault, then I suggest you have a discussion about it. You can be honestly sorry he got hurt even if you did your very best. You can forgive your hurt feelings and ask him to do the same. Then you can work to form a sex life that works for both of you.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I was a walking erection the first few years of my marriage.

A post worth reading:

Her View From Home | My Husband and I Are On the Same Team and There’s No Room For Resentment ◄ Chipmunks notwithstanding.

Photo by Vicky Sim on Unsplash
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.