Slow Sex

I find TV sex to be nothing like real sex. Some couple who have known each other for less than an hour or have been denying they care about each other for months, go at it. They’re both so desperately horny they tear at each other’s clothes. Foreplay is 30 seconds of groping. Then they have intercourse, usually against a wall or on a table. (And usually without anyone removing the guy’s pants, how does that work?) And half a minute later they are both climaxing.

If you know better you just shake your head. But if you don’t know better might you think that is how sex is “supposed to be”.

Neon spelling out Slow Sex

Now I admit there are times when a couple is so hot for each other they don’t take much time to have sex. But while that happens, it’s not the norm, and doing it that way most of the time would not end well. Especially for her.

Like a fine meal, sex should be savoured and savouring requires taking your time. Great sex is as much (or more) about the journey as it is the destination. I suspect most women are this way, but I want you to know that this is true for men too. Slow sex is far more enjoyable for a man. He gets to feel close and intimate. He gets to enjoy her body, her arousal, and her climax(es). He gets to enjoy his sexuality at a slower pace, which makes for more pleasure. And when his climax happens, it will be more powerful than if he had rushed for the finish line. Some men have not learned this, but it’s the truth.

For you, slow can mean the difference between good sex and “why did I do that?” sex. And that’s not just about orgasm. Even if you manage to climax during rushed sex, it’s likely not as satisfying in a number of ways. As an occasional thing maybe, but as a steady diet who needs it? 

If you want to slow sex down, you have to get your hubby on board. Telling him you read slower sex is way better for both men and women might get his attention. Or just ask him to try it and see how he likes it. (You could be sneaky and initiate sex asking for slow sex.) Give him more to look at and touch him a good deal so he can enjoy the journey. 

One thing that helps slow sex down is your choice of position. If you’re on top you have more control. Side by side tends to slow things down. Or try the position shown below. You can do this for a long time, and while it’s easy to move, it’s difficult to move fast and hard. This position also gives him good access to your breasts and clitoris, along with a nice view. If you don’t usually orgasm during intercourse ask him to use his hand or a vibe to take you to climax first while he enjoys being inside you.

Dolls showing sex postion

One caveat: Slow sex is neither desired nor possible for a man who is sexually starved.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I think slower is usually way better.

A post worth reading:

The Generous Wife | Looking for a Little Privacy ◄ Because kids can cramp your sexual style!

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11 Comments on “Slow Sex

  1. I wonder how ADD fits into this. Last year, DH said he thinks I have it. My SIL just got diagnosed, and what he tells us hits home for me. Sex can be boring for me and I don’t want it to drag on and on. I wonder if some of the men who think pleasuring their wife takes too long might have an attention deficit.

      • @Paul, of course it’s not a problem for you because you enjoy pleasuring Lori. According to my SIL’s psychiatrist, ADD is an inability to focus on things you don’t enjoy.

        My SIL can focus just fine on superhero movies, and can tell you in great detail all about the plot lines and how all the different movies fit together. I can’t make it 5 minutes into one and still pay attention, much less follow the story line.

        Of course not all men with ADD will have a problem with slow sex, just like not everyone with ADD will get lost watching a Marvel movie. I wonder how much of a role it plays among men who aren’t interested in slow sex. (And some women, too)

  2. I like slow sex much more than my wife. She gets impatient with slow sex. I think it’s a combination of her getting bored(either she has no sexual imagination, or I stink at foreplay) and the fact that she just likes it hard and fast.

  3. I try everything I can to slow things down and prolong the pleasure for both ofus. I want it to last as long as possible because it could be a month or three before it happens again. My wife wants it over with as quickly as possible. Anything more than 15 minutes is too long (including the 10 minutes of foreplay and orgasm for her) and if I’m not finished after 3-5 minutes of intercourse then she intentionally kills the mood with her audible sighs of boredom. I end up “losing my enthusiasm” after that starts and have to finish myself later in the shower.

  4. I think there is one thing to get from TV and movie sex.

    A lot of couples could watch it and the wife could be thinking “I bet he wished I looked like that.”

    Probably not. The husband is more thinking “I wish she had passion like that.”

  5. Slow and gentle is her preference in terms of movement speed, but she prefers less time on foreplay than I do. She’s good with about 10 minutes while I would prefer 20-30 min. I’m in complete agreement with her on slow, but sometimes I’d prefer a more passionate “hard” or “rough” movement, but she’s not into that at all.

  6. I enjoy slow sex ay more than my wife and we have always been like that. Like H above, my wants wife it finished within 5 minutes or so. My wife can orgasm pretty quick and wants me to finish not long after. Although we don’t have a lot of sex anymore, it is still like that.

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