I find TV sex to be nothing like real sex. Some couple who have known each other for less than an hour or have been denying they care about each other for months, go at it. They’re both so desperately horny they tear at each other’s clothes. Foreplay is 30 seconds of groping. Then they have intercourse, usually against a wall or on a table. (And usually without anyone removing the guy’s pants, how does that work?) And half a minute later they are both climaxing.

If you know better you just shake your head. But if you don’t know better might you think that is how sex is “supposed to be”.

Now I admit there are times when a couple is so hot for each other they don’t take much time to have sex. But while that happens, it’s not the norm, and doing it that way most of the time would not end well. Especially for her.

Like a fine meal, sex should be savoured and savouring requires taking your time. Great sex is as much (or more) about the journey as it is the destination. I suspect most women are this way, but I want you to know that this is true for men too. Slow sex is far more enjoyable for a man. He gets to feel close and intimate. He gets to enjoy her body, her arousal, and her climax(es). He gets to enjoy his sexuality at a slower pace, which makes for more pleasure. And when his climax happens, it will be more powerful than if he had rushed for the finish line. Some men have not learned this, but it’s the truth.

For you, slow can mean the difference between good sex and “why did I do that?” sex. And that’s not just about orgasm. Even if you manage to climax during rushed sex, it’s likely not as satisfying in a number of ways. As an occasional thing maybe, but as a steady diet who needs it? 

If you want to slow sex down, you have to get your hubby on board. Telling him you read slower sex is way better for both men and women might get his attention. Or just ask him to try it and see how he likes it. (You could be sneaky and initiate sex asking for slow sex.) Give him more to look at and touch him a good deal so he can enjoy the journey. 

One thing that helps slow sex down is your choice of position. If you’re on top you have more control. Side by side tends to slow things down. Or try the position shown below. You can do this for a long time, and while it’s easy to move, it’s difficult to move fast and hard. This position also gives him good access to your breasts and clitoris, along with a nice view. If you don’t usually orgasm during intercourse ask him to use his hand or a vibe to take you to climax first while he enjoys being inside you.

One caveat: Slow sex is neither desired nor possible for a man who is sexually starved.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I think slower is usually way better.

A post worth reading:

The Generous Wife | Looking for a Little Privacy ◄ Because kids can cramp your sexual style!

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