This is a follow up on last week’s An Uncomfortable Truth About Some Sex Sins. 

First the caveats. Nothing below is intended to excuse a man for using porn. It’s sin and it’s on him. Period. Additionally, I don’t mean to minimise the pain a man’s porn use may cause his wife.

Those things said, some women make the situation far worse or even get in the way of the man dealing with it and/or the couple healing.

I’ve talked to guys who have had to “admit” something to their wife that is not true about their porn use: why they did it, what they felt, or what it means. The truth was not what their wife wanted to hear or was not what some friend, book, or supposed expert said the truth was. How is he supposed to deal with the why of his sin when he has to lie about that to keep his wife from coming undone?

Another problem is when the wife bleeds her pain and devastation 24/7. If she’s stuck, she needs to get help dealing with it. Yes, he caused the pain, but he can’t fix it. If he has confessed, repented, asked for forgiveness, and is no longer looking at porn, then the ball is in her court. If she can’t forgive, that’s her. If she can’t stop panicking about it, that’s her too.

Yes, I know this sounds horribly rude. But my desire is to see the couple get past his porn use. This requires him to own up to it and deal with it so it doesn’t keep happening. It also requires him to take reasonable steps to assure her. But it also requires some things from her. Just as his refusing to change keeps them from healing, she can do things that prevent healing. If he is moving along and she is where she was months ago, she needs to get help.

~ Paul – I’m XY, I hate what porn use does to marriages.

A post worth reading:

(in)courage | What’s Still True When You’re Not “Fine” ◄ A good fit for the post above.

Image Credit: © Rafael Ben-Ari | stock.adobe.com
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