As I nudged up against the idea of headship on Monday, and got even closer in the comments, I figured I should say something about it. (I tried to get a root canal instead, but couldn’t swing it.)

A number of years ago Lori and I were talking with long times friends who knew us very well and one of us said something about being complementarians. The couple was shocked, as they thought we were egalitarians, as they were. I think this shows that when I say we are complementarians I don’t mean by that what many mean. The term we like is soft-complementarian.

Honestly, I’d be an egalitarian if I could square it with Scripture. And I’ve had good marriage ministry friends try to help me do that, but I just can’t get there. As I said in Monday’s comments I don’t see anything in the New Testament that prohibits women from having any position in the church. But I see an undeniable “hierarchy” in marriage that I can’t get around without violating the integrity of the Bible.

However, I don’t see headship as meaning I’m right no matter what and she better do whatever I say. The headship I see in the Bible is all about being a servant leader. This is the example Jesus lived for us and it’s what Jesus, Paul, and others commanded us to do. Headship is very heavy on responsibility with no mention of privilege. Yes, we’re told to respect our leaders and that certainly is true for women and their husbands. But that is directed at wives, not husbands, and a lack of respect, be it real or perceived, doesn’t give a leader any right to do anything. Jesus got far more disrespect than any husband will ever get and He never sent angels to wipe out anyone!

As I see it, being a woman under a Godly husband is a really good deal. For a guy, it’s not nearly as sweet, especially if his wife isn’t reasonable. Of course, being the wife of a man who is not following God’s commands can be a very ugly thing and I’m sorry for all who have suffered under that. It’s not God’s will, those men will answer for it before God, and I’m doing what I can to educate men about it.

Okay, have at it in the comments!

~ Paul – I’m XY, and headship ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

A post worth reading:

The Generous Husband | Able vs Willing ◄ This post from Tuesday gives you some idea of what I say to men about headship.

Photo by Bofu Shaw on Unsplash
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