Does your husband ever get angry about little things? Is he easily upset at times? Of course, that is his issue and he needs to deal with it, but if you understand the mechanics of it you may be able to reduce the problem or even help him deal with it.

I am not talking here about a man who has a major anger issue. Such men need professional help. And if you ever feel you or your children are in danger that is your cue to get out and refuse to come back until he gets help.

What I am discussing here is the man who sometimes gets upset for seemingly no good reason. He says and does things he would not usually do, but stops well short of abuse. You can tell he doesn’t like it, even if he’s too embarrassed to say anything about it.

A major cause of sudden anger is a lack of emotional margin. Margin is generally about having enough time to deal with things that come up suddenly. Emotional margin is about having enough emotional space to deal with things that cause frustration. Without emotional margin, it’s very difficult to keep calm. You’re already about to break and one more thing is just too much.

Having good emotional margin comes from a number of things. Not being overwhelmed with emotional things and avoiding a lot of stress are obvious. Getting enough sleep and downtime helps a lot. Good physical outlets matter, as does playing. And for most men, regular sex certainly helps.

I’m not excusing anger because a man doesn’t have emotional margin, but he’s only human and overreacting emotionally is how we all respond to emotional difficulty when we’re already pushed to the limit. Helping hubby build emotional margin will be good for both of you. And it might improve your emotional margin too, which would also be good for both of you.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I wish anger was not such a natural reaction.

💗 #CouplesQuestion: You want to create a blog. What is it about?

A post worth reading:

The Generous Wife | A Culture of Gratitude ◄ Another way to help build emotional margin

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