It has long been “known” that men are far more about sexual variety than women. I put known in quotes because this has always been an assumption. It fits nicely with the story we tell about male and female sexuality, so it kept being repeated. This has been especially true in the church.

But that story is starting to fall apart. What if women have a greater desire for, and even a greater need for, sexual variety?

Most of the evidence for this comes from those who work with couples. It is increasingly common for a woman to leave a long term relationship in search of “better sex”. Others drag their guy to counselling because they’re bored with their sex life while he is perfectly happy with it. And there have been a few recent studies where women were more interested than men in changing things up in the bedroom.

The difficulty in all this is some who are writing about it have a pretty clear bias. They want women to be nonmonogamous wild things looking for all the sex, and sex partners, they can get. However, sifting through this, I am becoming convinced there is some truth beneath the attempt to do social engineering.

The idea I see over and over is that men can enjoy having the same sex over and over, but women can’t. He might want more, but he will keep doing the same old thing and say it’s good. Women however are far more likely to get bored. Some insist this means women want a variety of men, ignoring the reality that a variety of sex with the same man might be just as good… or even better!

This is going to be a very difficult issue for a lot of good Christian women because it conflicts with what they have been told they should want. Even admitting to themselves they want more variety will be difficult and sharing it with hubby could be downright scary. But here’s the thing, if you need more variety, not having it is bad for you, for your sex life, and for your marriage. 

If you have lost interest in sex, is it possible that is because the same old thing got so boring you just stopped caring? Might changing things up a bit give you a whole new desire for and enjoyment of sex? If you need this, then seeking it is the right thing for your marriage.

I’m not talking about going all kinky here. Of course, if doing it with the light on is borderline in your mind you may need to think differently. But you don’t have to go all leather and restraints to kick sex up a notch. For more on that, see the post worth reading below!

~ Paul – I’m XY, and sexuality isn’t as simple as some have tried to make it!

A post worth reading:

Honeycomb & Spice | 75 IDEAS FOR SPICING UP YOUR SEX LIFE ◄ Great ideas and nothing too far out.

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