The basis for this is a couple of posts I did on TGH four years ago:

My Nightmare Marriage was about a nightmare I had that changed how I thought about being in a bad marriage. I followed that with Dealing With a Nightmare Marriage where I talked about how I hoped I would handle a horrible marriage.

If your marriage is a nightmare, but you have no cause to divorce, what do you do? How do you live with ongoing anger, rudeness, neglect, or disinterest?

My suggestion is to address it and do so in writing. Tell him what the problem is and that you have given up hope of him ever changing. Then tell him you’re not going to leave him, but you are going to build a good life for yourself with or without his participation. Offer to get help as a couple or individuals if he decides he wants it. Tell him you will no longer pretend your broken marriage is fine and you won’t lie to cover the problems. Explain you won’t badmouth him or go out of your way to make him look bad, but you will not participate in a lie.

Treat him decently, with consideration of how he acts and how he treats you. Let him know what you’re doing and invite him to join you at least some of the time. If he is making an effort to do some of what is required to keep a home running, then keep doing what you have been doing along those lines. If he does nothing at home, you might let him know you will no longer be doing it all. (If you are an at-home mom/wife and he is providing all of the income, then while he’s doing nothing is wrong, he is contributing something.)

As for sex, if you feel you have a biblical obligation, then tell him that. But also tell him his lack of love and common decency has caused you to lose sexual interest in him. Explain you will service him, but that’s really all it is.

Yes, this is a radical thing. It’s a bad idea for most women and may end badly even if it’s what you should do. I would do a lot of praying and talk to a marriage minister or counsellor before you do this. But if you feel you’re being held hostage by vows that you are keeping and he is not, this may be the proper response.

And the necessary disclaimer: Abuse is not acceptable and you should not stay with a man who abuses you or your children. Get help and get to a safe place. He might be willing to change (I’ve known a few men who did) but he will need help and you will need a third party to help you see if he has really changed or is just putting on a show. 

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I hate that there are marriages that make this necessary.

❤️ #CouplesQuestion: What does your spouse do that speaks love to you?

A post worth reading:

The Generous Wife | Finish the Sentence ◄ A way of checking how good a spouse you are.

Image Credit: © Dollarphotoclub
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.