Lynn left a comment on last week’s “Why Many Women Are Messed Up Sexually” post, that led me to an interesting study of social psychologist Erving Goffman and what he called Dramaturgical analysis.

Goffman claimed our face to face interactions are like theatrical performances. He said we use these performances to try to control how others perceive us. Our clothing (or costume) the items we carry (our props) and our tone and gestures are all part of our act. Goffman also said there’s an onstage area where play to an audience and a backstage/private area where we are ourselves.

Lynn spoke about how this is true for women and it certainly is. But it’s also the case for men. 

I’ve had women tell me men have more freedom to be who they want to be. While I see some truth in this, men are not nearly as free as you many think. From a very young age, we’re told how to act. Boys don’t cry, boys are tough, boys don’t get scared, and on and on. By the time we hit puberty, we’ve been told boys pursue girls for sex. A guy who doesn’t do this, to excess, is called all kinds of things. He’s less of a man because we all know boys will be boys. And while the church is telling him he shouldn’t have sex, he hears the unspoken expectation that his sex drive will be too strong to deny.

I’m not telling you men have it worse, because I don’t think we do. But we don’t have it nearly as much better as some women seem to think. Just like many (most?) women, many men are playing the role that was assigned to them. And hating it!

So first, be understanding. And second, if you really hate all of this, start a discussion about getting off the stage!

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I do improv!

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