I recently pointed my male readers to a post by marriage coach Lesli Doares entitled The Most Dangerous Question Your Wife Asks. The question is “Why do you….?”

As Lesli explains, most of us hear “why do you ____?” as an attack. I think this is even truer for men than for women, which may be why women seem more likely to do it. I think Leslie gives good advice when she says “’Why’ and ‘you’ are two words that I don’t recommend ever be used in the same sentence.”

I realise such questions can be perfectly valid. My wife askes why I did something such and such way because she wants to know why I did it that way. But as a guy, my first reaction is to get defensive. I’ve learned not to do that and she has gotten better at exploring my why in less dangerous ways. I highly recommend other ways of getting his why. Something like “I’m curious why you thought that was the best way to do _____” would be less likely to make him defensive.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and communicating can be hard!

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey Carlisle | Unconditional love ◄ What it means – and doesn’t mean.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly
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