One of my pet peeves about how some deal with abuse is not blaming the guilty party. One version of that is to put it off on the abuser’s parents or upbringing. Another is to claim some book or speaker “encourages abuse” when they do no such thing.

For centuries people have used the Bible to justify their abuse or to excuse the abuse of another. Does that mean we should be mad at God for not saying what He said “the right way?” If God can’t say things in a way that can’t be twisted, why do we expect a human author to do so? And if we don’t blame God when someone uses the Bible to justify abuse, why do we blame a human author when someone does the same with what they have written?

Blaming anyone other than the abuser is giving the abuser cover. The bigger problem is that blaming others communicates a lie about why people abuse others. They don’t do it because some book told them it was okay. They don’t do it because some speaker said something that made them feel it was acceptable. Abuse comes from having a heart of sin. It’s uglier and more costly than a lot of our sins, but it’s no different in terms of why it happens or how we should deal with it.

Of course, anyone who writes or speaks in this general area should be aware and do all they can to denounce abuse. But the truth is that will have virtually no impact in the real world. I doubt The Generous Husband has readers who beat their wives or engage in serious manipulation/control. And if I do have such readers, my saying it’s wrong won’t change a thing. Reducing abuse is a street-level thing. It requires the abuser’s circle of friends to make it clear abuse is unacceptable. Even that is, sadly, unlikely to bring about change. But it does apply pressure in a way no book or speaker can do.

What I think I can do to reduce abuse is to tell those who are being abused that it’s not okay and not God’s will. I can encourage them to stop taking it. Stand up, if that’s safe, or get out if standing up could get you hurt. There is no excuse or justification for abuse and if you’re being abused you need to get help. If your husband is willing to get help your marriage might be saved, but that is up to him. Get safe and don’t go back until someone who has a great deal of experience with this says they think it’s safe. Likewise, if your children are being abused.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and sadly abuse goes up during the holidays.

❤️  #Couple’sQuestion: You find a large whiteboard and markers. What do you write/draw?

A post worth reading:

The Generous Wife | Holiday Generosity ◄ On a happier note…

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