It’s all well and good to talk about abuse, but talk alone won’t change anything.

The church should be playing a major role in fighting abuse and I feel we have fallen short on that. Abuse in the church is far less common than in the world, but we need to be ready and able to deal with what does exist. Beyond that, we need to be a light, a place of love and safety for those who are abused.

The problem is our natural inclinations about dealing with abuse are often wrong and can do more harm than good. On the one side, you have those who want to give the benefit of the doubt to the husband in a way that puts the wife at risk. Then you have those who push abused women too hard and too fast, making them run away. Others identify too much with the abused, which means they lose the perspective needed to help.

Fortunately, it doesn’t take years of study to become the first line of help for an abused woman. Nor is it beyond even a small church to have something in place should there be accusations of abuse. For those things and more, I want to suggest the book When Home Hurts: A Guide for Responding Wisely to Domestic Abuse in Your Church by Jeremy Pierre and Greg Wilson. One of the authors is a Licensed Professional Counselor with years of experience with both victims and perpetrators of domestic abuse. He also consults with churches and other organizations on adopting best practices for care. The other author is a pastor who almost lost his sister to an abuser she married. These men have real-world experience and do a great job of explaining abuse and how to deal with it.

The biggest challenge is getting an abused woman to trust someone enough to seek help. A grassroots approach is the best and often the only way to do this. That means every woman should have some understanding of the issues and how to respond if another woman opens up about abuse. Beyond that, they need a place to point women. If your church can’t or won’t do that, you need to find another church or a secular agency that will.

As to getting your church to do more, the book I mentioned would be a great starting place. It covers all the ignorance, excuses, and fears that keep churches from doing what they should and gives a good starting place with resources to go further.

As we prepare to celebrate the Prince of Peace, let us be aware some women have no peace and live in constant fear. Jesus came to set all of us free and He wants us to be part of that effort. Domestic abuse is a place where we can have a real impact.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and my thanks to my pastor for putting me onto the book!

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