Last Friday in my His Secret Sex Fantasy post I revealed that his deepest sexual desire for you is actually rather vanilla. Nonetheless, most husbands tell me their sex life is a bit too vanilla.

Most men desire some variety and adventure in the bedroom. Given most men are this way about life in general, being that way about sex makes sense. And it’s not really about sex, it’s about how God made him.

Here’s the thing, if you strongly limit what happens sexually, you actually encourage him to crave things that are further and further from vanilla. This is basic human nature. A lack of variety makes us hungry for variety and we start to crave all kinds of things to break up the sameness. 

On the other hand, if there’s something more than vanilla on occasion, that can satisfy his desire for variety and keep him from going crazy. He may be fantasising about a banana split like the one in the picture, but if you give him some hot fudge and a cherry he will be satisfied and the banana split fantasy will become weaker.

The other side of this is that sex must work for you both mentally and physically. If you sometimes do sex just for him, that’s a great time to spice it up for him a bit. If it’s just for him, it not being something that will get you to orgasm is not a problem. But you still need to not go places that makes you feel gross or used because that’s bad for you, your sex life, and your marriage. 

If you’re the higher drive spouse, but your sex life is vanilla, the lack of variety might actually be part of why he’s not as into sex much as you would like. Try kicking it up a notch or two and see if he becomes more interested. One thing most men would enjoy that ensures you get yours too is to let him watch you masturbate. It will not only thrill him, it will keep him thinking about sex for days. And that’s a good thing!

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I like hot fudge!

A post worth reading:

Fierce Marriage | 4 Steps for a Healthier Sex Life AFTER Having Kids ◄ A podcast for every couple with children.

Image by MartyShinozaki from Pixabay
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