Podcast: Download

In Married Sex, Debra Fileta says, “Men, it’s not ‘your job’ to make your wife wet.” 

This will be news to a lot of men and a relief to many of them. That is if they believe it, which some will struggle to do.

I agree with Debra on this, but I would follow up with “It’s a joint task.”

Along these lines, I often read women saying, “My husband doesn’t know how to turn me on” or “My husband doesn’t know how to make me come.” Of course, he needs to make an effort, but it’s not his job to do those things. It’s a joint task. 

He doesn’t have a vulva, a clitoris, or a vagina, so he has no idea how those parts feel. Beyond that, odds are much of his “education” on those body parts comes from porn, popular media, or other men who also don’t have a clue. Before he can learn how to help you get aroused and come, he may need to unlearn much of what he thinks is true.

You need to educate him. You also have to do your part. If you show up for sex exhausted and distracted, don’t blame him for not enjoying it. Most women can’t go from mother,  housewife, or employee to passionate woman at the drop of a pair of pants, and it’s not his job to cause that transition. If your mind isn’t into sex, your husband has little hope of making you glad you’re a woman even if he is an expert at doing so. 

I understand this may feel like giving you one more responsibility at the end of an already overwhelming day. But since he can’t do it without your help, please don’t fail to show up primed and then think it’s his fault if you don’t enjoy it.

BTW, the next line in the book is “Women, it’s not ‘your job’ to make your husband hard.” This absolutely cut both ways!

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I used to feel it was my job.

A post worth reading:

The Generous Wife | Kiss ◄ A good way to get your brain pointed towards sex.

Image Credit: © oneinchpunch | stock.adobe.com
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.