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Monday in my I Do It For Her Because I Love Her post, I told you I’m naturally messy. And while I think that is the case, it’s not that simple.

When I was growing up, my mother enforced on me what I today understand to be a ridiculously high standard of neat and clean. She expected my room to be extremely clean all the time.

As a kid, I rebelled against this in a passive-aggressive way that resulted in my spending hours most Saturdays getting my room checked and rechecked while trying to get by with it being less immaculate than she demanded. That resistance to neatness carried over into my adult life. And it got even worse when I got married and my wife wanted a reasonable level of cleanliness. I didn’t realise it consciously, but inside I saw Lori as another woman attacking me over my messes. And I fell back on the old habits. 

When I realised the harm my mother had done and verbalised that my wife was not like my mother, that part of the issue went away. With only a natural bent towards messy to fight, it was finally possible for me to become less messy.

I bring this up to demonstrate how our past can hurt our marriage. Are there habits or injuries from your past that are limiting or hurting your marriage? Are there things from hubby’s past doing that? If so, talking about the injuries is a great first step to change.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and my wife is very reasonable.

A post worth reading:

The Generous Wife | Hard Questions ◄ Hard questions can improve your marriage!

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