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On Monday I used the word “womansplaining”. So today let’s deal with mansplaining. My favourite story about this is about a woman in a group of men dealing with a very technical issue. One man started telling the woman how things were and tried to back up his inaccurate information with a book on the subject. Turns out the woman he was dressing down was the lead author of the book!  

So yes, mansplaining is a real thing. Not that any woman needs a man to confirm that reality! Dealing with this annoyance touches on how a man thinks and acts, so perhaps I can give you some clues.

First, let’s discuss why (some) men act this way. Originally the word was used to describe men who thought women were stupid. While there is some of that, it’s not the main issue. Mansplaining is more about pride, fear, and a desire to impress others. Maybe that means trying to impress the woman he is talking to or maybe it’s about impressing others who are listening. Regardless it is often a cry for recognition and acceptance. 

Accusing a man of mansplaining is about as helpful as telling a woman she is being a bitch. Even if it’s true, it just makes the situation worse. Besides, if a man is seeking recognition, an accusation of mansplaining just makes him feel bad, and that will only perpetuate the problem. Unless you just want to blow off a mansplainer and any possible relationship with him, keep that word out of the conversation.

If you understand why he’s doing it, then work to address that. Do it in the moment if you can and at other times for sure. If you build him up he may lose the insecurity that causes him to mansplain. Beyond that, a simple, “Thank you, I already knew that” should be sufficient. Save correction for when it really matters and be okay letting some things go.

I’d also suggest you not be too quick to assume mansplaining. Yes, it happens, but I’ve seen plenty of accusations of it that were wrong. Even if you don’t say it out loud, labelling something as mansplaining will keep you from giving the person talking the grace they are due.

~ Paul – I’m a man, and I hope I splained this well!

A post worth reading:

By Dr. Corey | On honey and vinegar ◄ Do more blessing than correcting

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