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A while ago Lori and I were talking with a couple who are married long enough to have high school-age children. I said something about how improving either your marriage relationship or your sex life resulted in improvements in the other. The woman disagreed with me.

Like all of us, this couple had their troubles early on, but they dealt with them and have for years had what I would consider a much better than average marriage. But for most of their marriage sex was a struggle because she never came. They had sex because they both knew it was important and she enjoyed it, but despite both trying they could not crack her orgasm. Then a year or so ago they found a way to make sex orgasmic for her. Since then they are having a whole lot of sex. And she said that the increase in sex benefited their marriage in many ways, making it much better for both of them. The husband smiled and agreed.

I think improvements in either area do make improvements in the other more likely, but I agree with the lady that improvements to our sex lives are a far more powerful catalyst. I’ve seen this in my own marriage and heard it from a number of men and women. Rare is the improved sex life not followed by a better marriage relationship and, sadly common, is a better marriage relationship not followed by a change in sex life.

I know how it sounds to say if you want a better marriage you should work on your sex life. But there is good reason to believe there is a lot of truth in that. Beyond the fact that good sex makes us feel closer, improving your sex life requires marriage-improving skills like communication, understanding, empathy, and the ability to work together. 

~ Paul – I’m XY, and great sex makes for great marriages.

A post worth reading:

CNNhealth | Want more affection in your relationship? Have more sex ◄ If you need more convincing.

Photo by Adam Winger on Unsplash
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