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[Note: An incomplete and unedited version of this posted early.]

The other day I saw a study on those who cheat on a sex partner that looked at how they justify what they did. The study found that cheaters blame their partner and circumstances and minimise the emotional impact of their cheating on their partner. This has been called self-serving bias. We attribute our successes and good deeds to our character and blame our failures and wrong actions on others and/or circumstances. So the good we do is about who we are, while the bad we do is because of external factors and is not about who we are.

I’m a fairly introspective guy and I want to know the truth about my feeling and actions even if that truth hurts. I’d like to tell you I don’t suffer from self-serving bias, but I know I do. As I dig into myself I keep realising the reasons I’ve given for certain actions and choices were not accurate.

We’re all driven to some degree by peer pressure. We don’t want to be thought of poorly by others. We also have a need to live up to our own standards. These things push us to justify when we blow it.

You do this. And your husband does this. And if you have children, you see them doing it ALL. THE. TIME. This is human nature and we do it even when we work to avoid it.

What this means is we all lie to ourselves. Justification is the story we tell ourselves so we can live with our actions.

The next time it’s obvious your husband is justifying himself to you, take a moment to ask yourself if he’s lying to you or repeating to you the lie he’s told himself. I’m not suggesting the latter is acceptable, but it’s not the same as knowingly lying to you and it shouldn’t be dealt with the same way.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m a much better person inside my head!

A post worth reading:

The Generous Wife | Bunnies ◄ Does your husband feel heard, appreciated, and supported by you?

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