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The other day I was on the phone and I was getting frustrated. I thought I was doing a good job of keeping my cool, but my wife apparently didn’t and she put her hand on my leg to make me aware of that. Now I’ve asked her to let me know when she feels I’m too hard on others, so she certainly had my blessing to do what she did. But in the moment it just made me more frustrated. Later I let her know it didn’t have the intended effect.

There are a couple of things I’d like to point out related to this.

First, men and women have different ideas about what is too aggressive. So when you think your husband is too aggressive, there’s a good chance that neither he nor most men would agree with you. There’s also a good chance most of your girlfriends would agree with you. This is a case where arguing about which of you is right will only make things worse, so don’t do it. Accept it as a gender difference and move on.

The other thing is when I told Lori my reaction to her hand on my leg, she had no memory of doing it. This even though it had only been a few minutes. She did what she did as a reflex, not aware she was doing it. So if your husband accuses you of trying to calm or control him and you don’t think you did so, perhaps you were communicating it to him without meaning to and were unaware of it. 

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m not like her.

A post worth reading:

The Generous Wife | Your Turn ◄ How conversation is like a good game.

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