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I hear a lot of complaints about the wrong things spouses are doing. But I know some of those complaints have never been made to the offender in a clear, concise way. It’s all well and good to say “He should know” or “It’s so obvious”, but if you haven’t actually said “That bothers me” or “This is a problem” then you really can’t blame your husband. I also hear “He wouldn’t listen”. Maybe he wouldn’t, but if you haven’t tried, you don’t know that.

I’ve heard it said that complaining makes if feel like we’ve done something. So when you tell your girlfriend(s) how horrible your husband is, you feel like you’ve done something about the problem. But of course, all you’ve actually done is badmouthed your husband to a third party. The Bible tells us to go first to the one who has wronged us. If we talk to others without doing that, we’re in the wrong.

Beyond this, think about it from his point of view. If you’ve never complained about it, then it must not be a major problem in your mind. Your silence has given him reason to think everything is good. 

If you’re modifying your behaviour or have changed how you treat him because of something he’s done but have never actually told him it bothers you, PLEASE speak up. If it’s bad enough to change how you treat him, it really needs to be addressed.

If you’ve told him, in no uncertain terms, and he’s not changed, then you have a decision to make. Either you keep living with him and being the best wife you can be despite his failings or you issue an ultimatum. If what he’s doing justifies you not being a good wife to him, then it requires you to get help. Just living with it and doing less is wrong.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’ve said the same thing to men many times.

A post worth reading:

The Romantic Vineyard | In Need of Shade ◄ Throw your hubby some shade!

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