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We did a Fourth of July gathering on Saturday with extended family. At one point a fifteen-year-old boy was asked if he had a girlfriend. He said no, but he did know the woman is right, even when she’s wrong she’s right.

I wanted to cry. I made an effort to gently walk that back, but nods of agreement from several of the adult men didn’t help.

I realise there are a few women out there who want a partner who believes and lives that, but I know it’s very rare. Men learn this behaviour by hearing it from other men and by interacting with women. Because we don’t understand women, we misinterpret what they say and do. We grasp at straws to try to keep our lady happy. Pretending she is right even when we think she is wrong seems to be less dangerous than speaking our mind, so we do that. We decide avoiding certain subjects and hiding certain activities makes for a better marriage, so we do those things. We are driven by wanting peace in our homes and piece in our beds, and we may decide to sacrifice quality in our marriages for having a quiet marriage.

I don’t say any of this to justify or agree with it. I’m just trying to help you understand what some husbands do and why. If this information helps your marriage, that’s great. But what I would like you to do with what I’ve said is help your sons learn a better way. Explain that their future wife will want to connect with them emotionally and they do that by talking. Teach them that good emotional connection leads to good physical connections. Also, teach them that, for women, conversation is not a full-contact sport with a winner and a loser. Disagreeing is fine if you can do it without being disagreeable! 

What you teach your sons will either be a blessing or a curse to your future daughter-in-law. Teach them the things you wish your mother-in-law had taught your husband.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m proud of the husband my son has become.

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