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Last week I suggested that you should ask your husband why he thinks or feels as he does to help you better understand him. One person said some Christian marriage advice has said that a woman asking why is being disrespectful. This is sadly true and I used that to do a post about what respect is and is not over on The Generous Husband. Here there was also some talk about the fact that how one asks why makes a big difference.

This is true of pretty much anything we say to anyone. Tone, attitude, body language, and other things affect how a question is understood. How we ask why can make it an honest desire to understand or a clear accusation. The former is certainly respectful, the latter not so much.

I suppose you could prepend “I really want to understand” to the front of every why. In reality, your behaviour, in general, should let hubby know if this is the case or not.

There are men who will be annoyed by their wife wanting to understand them, but most will see it as a good thing. Beyond that, if understanding him better changes how you treat him in ways he likes, he should become more interested in helping you understand him.

One potential problem is he may not know why off the top of his head. If you think that might be the case, say “Think about it and get back to me.“

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m off to a wedding!

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