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This will be a controversial post. (When I warn you of that upfront, you know it’s bad, right?) My goal here is to show you your husband’s reality, not to tell you what you should do about it. Please keep that in mind as you read this.

My wife is now two weeks post-op from a hysterectomy. She had a tumour in the wall of her uterus that was eight inches on the long side. That’s like being five to six months pregnant! She is recovering well and is seeing benefits from not having that thing in her.

We were aware of this for more than three months before it was resolved and she had issues because of it even before we knew it was there. Some of those issues interfered with normal sex.

Had my dear wife said she would like me to take care of myself until she was fixed up, I would have done that. I would also have been surprised since I know this woman well and that’s not who she is. But I would not have found such a choice wrong or unacceptable.

My Lori is truly the Generous Wife, and that includes being generous sexually. So when she was unable to receive me sexually, and it was hit or miss, she was all about doing something for me. I don’t just mean she said yes if I asked, she offered if she felt I was not asking enough. I can’t tell you how much that blessed me. It made me feel loved and cared for in a deep and meaningful way. She earned a lot of wife points.

The reality is, your husband’s sex drive doesn’t have an off switch. Most men wish they had such a switch, but God didn’t feel it necessary to give us one. A lot of guys will just shut up about sex when something like this happens because they don’t want to start a fight that may last longer than the medical condition or illness. He might be okay with silence, and he might be pretty bitter about it, but he won’t say much either way.

If you’re not going to be able to have sex for weeks or months, what you do about him is up to you. But I strongly suggest you initiate a discussion about it because he’s probably afraid to do so. If you want him to take care of himself in private, let him know. If you would rather he does it in bed with you, tell him that. If you’re willing to give him some hand jobs, let him know he can ask for that every few days. Or on the weekend. Or whatever.

The other part of this is you should have the sex you want even if you can’t have intercourse. Be clear about what you can and can’t do. If you’re having a good day and think you can both give and receive, grab hubby and go for it. 

~ Paul – I’m XY, and being married to a generous wife is a blessing.

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey Carlisle | The why behind our what ◄ Echoes something I said recently.

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