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In talking to couples we hear a great deal about marriage problems related to parents, in-laws, and grown children. The best case of these is when the husband and wife agree about the situation. It’s far worse when one is defending the less-than-ideal behaviour of a child or parent.

I’m all about honouring our parents and caring for our grown children. But leave and cleave means your husband is first and anyone who gets in the way of that is a problem that you must deal with.

But today I really want to talk about this from the other side. I want to encourage you to never be the mother, mother-in-law, or adult daughter who makes problems for your kids or your parents. 

Your kids are adults. You had your chance to show them the right way to live, now it’s their time to walk it out. Injecting yourself into their lives will not bless them. And even if you’re right, the odds are your interference will do more harm than good. I have a female acquaintance who told me she is not allowed to see her grandchildren. While I felt sorry for her, I knew her well enough to understand why her daughter made that choice. I also know several people who cut off all contact with a parent who refused to behave. These are extreme cases, but it shows how bad it can get.

As for ageing parents, yeah, that can be difficult. But I see far too many people’s frustration cause them to treat their parents like children. And, of course, the parent sees what is done and is hurt by it. I think many put up with it because they feel they have no choice. How painful and sad for them.

The bottom line is both your parents and your grown children are adults. They deserve to be treated as adults. Being family doesn’t mean you can give them less respect or privacy than you would give to others.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and we should be a blessing, not a curse!

A post worth reading:

Dr. Corey Carlisle | A quiet life ◄ Exactly so!

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