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Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. ~ Hebrews 10:24 NLT

According to the author of Hebrews, we can motivate others to love and good works. Would you like to motivate your husband to such things?

Motivating someone can be a tricky thing. Motivating by nagging is generally a bad idea, and it’s a horrible idea in marriage. Trying to motivate by withholding things is also a path to failure. You may get what you want short term with these tactics, but you’re driving the other person away in the process, and that’s going to end badly.

Being able to motivate someone requires understanding who they are, how they’ve been battered by life, and what they want.

One way to motivate your husband is to help him see the cause and effect aspect of what he does and doesn’t do. Help him understand that what he does makes it easy or difficult for you to do or not do various things. So for example, when he drives aggressively, that makes you feel uptight and unsafe. This negatively affects how you feel about him. Or, when he’s rude to you, that causes you to not want to be sexual with him.

Think about what you do to try to motivate hubby. If he did those things to you, would it motivate you in a positive way? If not, why do you think it would it motivate him? OTOH, if you think it would motivate you, ask yourself if that’s because you’re a woman or because of some aspect of your personality that differs from how your husband is. “How can I help you” may motivate your girlfriends, but it’s far less likely to motivate your husband.

Finally, if you want to motivate him to do something for you, be clear and honest. And don’t just tell him what you want from him, help him understand why you want it and what it would mean to you for him to do it.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and having a motivated spouse is great!

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