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So, how does menopause effect sex? The short answer is not nearly as much as most folks think. We’re misinformed because of sloppy science that failed to separate other age related events from menopause. I was deep into a dozen studies when I became aware of one released a couple of days ago that did it right. The authors said “that menopausal status exerts little independent effect on sexual activity, satisfaction, or function.” They further said, “few women linked menopausal status to a decline in the quality or frequency of sexual activity. Most were not unduly bothered by menopausal symptoms and, aside from night-sweats and hot flushes, had experienced no adverse physical effects, nor any change in their sex drive.”

So why do many older women see a decline in sexual desire, enjoyment, and/or satisfaction? The study title say it well: “We’re Just Tired”: Influences on Sexual Activity Among Male-Partnered Women in Midlife; A Mixed Method Study. Being too busy and tired is hard on any woman’s sex life, and this is even truer for older women. It’s that, not menopause, that is causing most of the problems.

Beyond being too busy, what negatively impacts women’s sexuality were relationship issues, and health. Health was both hers and his, and for her mental health was a biggie, with depression being a major sex killer. It was also found that relationship status, happiness in the relationship, and ease of talking about sex meant better sexual function as a woman aged.

There can be some sexual body changes because of menopause, but these are easily resolved. Vaginal dryness can be treated with lube for sex, and if it’s a concern outside of sex, with a vaginal moisturizer. Thinning of the vaginal tissues, which can cause tearing, can be treated with an estradiol cream. A prescription will be required. (If your insurance won’t cover it, Amazon Prime members can get a month supply for less than $30.)

One thing about sex and age is that “use it or lose it” is a real thing. A woman who stays sexually active will have far fewer issues. I’ve also seen studies that say women enjoying regular sex have an easier time with menopause.

Most women who enjoyed sex before menopause will continue to enjoy it after, and some will enjoy it even more. However, women who could take it or leave it before menopause will tend to be the same after, and women who didn’t want or enjoy sex will feel no better about it after menopause. So, attitude is huge!  Some women lose the drive they once had, but can still get aroused and orgasm with no problem. I understand how such a change would be frustrating, but you can choose to have and enjoy sex regardless.

Lori and I have heard from plenty of women sixty and older who still very much want and enjoy sex with their husbands. If that’s what you want, you can have it. You might need to tweak a few things or make some changes, but you can do it.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and it’s way better than you probably thought!

A post worth reading:

The Generous Husband | Friday Flashback: Tip Me Over ◄ I stole this from my wife, and it’s a must-read.

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