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Note: A preliminary version of this post escaped last Monday. Sorry about that!

I’ve seen some solid research that indicates what we expect, want, and need for a good marriage has changed a great deal over the last few decades. And this is just an acceleration of changes over the last few centuries.

The sad reality is that when a woman without a husband had no good choices, women were willing to put up with a lot more. Similarly, when a man required an heir and someone to raise him, men were willing to put up with a lot more. Many marriages were basically business arrangements with little or no love. If both spouses were civil and reasonable, it would have been called a good marriage. Love was a bonus one might get, but did not expect.

Today, men and women consider mutual love and respect a given. It is also increasingly common to see marriage as a path to self-improvement and growth. I think that lines up with scripture very well, and it certainly doesn’t conflict with it. But it is a massive change.

Of course, what matters for you is what you and your husband want. As long as you agree, what you agree on doesn’t matter. However, what we want for our marriages does change over time. Women generally experience more of this than men, especially as the kids start to grow up. Be aware of how what you want from your marriage changes, and talk to your husband as soon as you become aware of changes.  I’d also use that discussion to ask him how what he wants and needs from marriage may have changed.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and my wife has helped me grow so much!

A post worth reading:

Fatherly | What Makes A Happy Marriage? Data Shows The Answer Is Changing ◄ Some data on changing marriage desires.

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