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I recently read an article by a woman who said pleasure, not orgasms, should be the goal of sex. As is often the case, the body of the article didn’t match the headline. The article made it clear orgasm was an acceptable goal for anyone who wanted that. That’s good, because for many men and some women sex without orgasm is frustrating no matter how much pleasure they have.

I’m all for orgasms, but I fear we miss out when we see orgasm as the sex finishing line. There is a great deal of pleasure to be had from sex apart from orgasm, whether orgasm occurs or not. But on the other hand, downplaying orgasm too much is also a bad plan.

I understand orgasm is not as sure and easy for most women as it is for most men. I know some women sometimes enjoy sex without orgasm. And I know some men feel cheated if their wife does not orgasm EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

I’ve often said a woman should have as many orgasms as she wants every time she has sex, and zero is a valid number. But some men have a problem with that. That’s his issue, but he will make it her problem. My suggestion would be to tell such a husband if you’re expected to have an orgasm every time, you will only have sex when you’re sure that is going to happen. Or you could initiate by saying, “I want to have sex, but I’m too tired to come. You okay with that?” Beyond his issues, might you have and enjoy sex more often if you felt not having an orgasm was an acceptable choice? And even a choice you could make halfway through?

Or course, some women are all about orgasm, and that’s fine too. If you want to have more or better orgasms, go for it. If you and hubby want to work to make sex physically mind-blowing for each other, that’s great. Still, there is more pleasure to be found in sex than just coming, and you can explore and add without losing the pleasure of climax.

So yes, the goal of sex should be pleasure. What that looks like will differ for each couple based on personal preferences and season of life.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’m amazed at what God packed into sex.

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