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Another of ChatGPT’s article suggestions for making a heterosexual woman a better wife was “Raising children together: Tips for successful parenting as a team.”

The word team is critical here. You must find a way to come across as a unified front. If you don’t, you will cause confusion and as your kids get older, they will play you and your husband against each other. Don’t make unilateral decisions for or about the children, and don’t argue about decisions in front of the kids.

As for how you raise them, I’m no expert. But I have some real world experience. Our kids were thirteen years apart, and the second certainly benefited from what we did wrong with the older one. That, and I was not as tightly wound. And now we live with grandsons eight and four. We let them get by with things we didn’t let our kids do. Part of that is being grandparents, but part of it is being wiser.

You can only exert so much control over a child before you cause resentment. You may force compliance when you hit resentment, but it won’t end well for the child. Good parenting means making smart choices about which hills to hold, and which are not worth anyone dying on.

Another thing to understand is that all humans want self-determination. For about a year, one of my grandsons never wore matching socks. His parents let him make that choice, because in the scope of life, it’s not a big deal. As our children get older, they need more and more freedom to be who God made them to be. The scary thing about this is they will make mistakes, and they will get hurt. Your job is to ensure the mistakes they can make are not devastating for them. 

Finally, all children are different. What they can and should be allowed to do at a certain age will differ for each one. A one size fits all rule by age is easy for the parent, but it’s not fair to the children. It also doesn’t reward following the rules. Privileges should be earned or lost based on clear parameters. If that means the 14-year-old is allowed to do something the sixteen-year-old can’t do, so be it.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and both my kids are alive and functional adults!

Photo by Luca Baini on Unsplash
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