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I used to plan and run conferences for anywhere from fifty to four hundred people. Most of these were done in hotel ballrooms. I was the guy you went to if something was wrong, including feeling the temperature of the room was unacceptable. I quickly learned to ignore women who said it was too cold or men who said it was too hot, because gender differences mean men usually run hotter than women. But if a premenopausal woman said it was hot, or a young or middle age guy reported being cold, I knew an adjustment was needed.

Of course, I know a few young women who run warm, and a few middle age men who run cool, but they are clear exceptions to a “rule” that applies to the vast majority.

This is the reality of most gender differences. You can find an individual who does not conform to the majority, but that does not disprove the reality of the difference.

When I talk about gender differences, I generally mean something that is true for at least eighty percent of men and women. If it’s true for sixty-five percent, it’s still valid, but there are too many exceptions for it to be a useful guide.

Many gender differences are rooted in biology. Women’s superior sense of smell and men’s greater upper body strength, for example. Even some of these have been suggested to be more about culture – without any evidence offered to support the claims.

That said, some gender differences are largely based on culture and gender stereotypes. And some of these are complicated. Using a part of the brain more because your society tells you that is what your sex does can result in developing that part of the brain beyond what is normal for the opposite sex. In other things, society pushes us towards or away from something where a biological gender difference exists, making the perceived difference greater than it would otherwise be.

While I find all of this fascinating, it does not change the reality of underlying gender differences. If the vast majority of men do or don’t do something, or do or don’t think or feel something, why that is so doesn’t change the reality. Knowing a behaviour is common for men can be helpful, even if you feel why it’s common is wrong.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and my sense of smell is much better than Lori’s

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