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Six years ago, I wrote a post entitled Is He Using Sex to Meet Non-Sexual Needs? Some men have a hard time admitting to themselves that what they sometimes want is to snuggle, without sex. Or they can’t admit it to their wife. Some may be in that place and not even be able to feel it. We’ve been conditioned to think of sex as a manly way to be physically intimate, and asking for just snuggling may feel unmanly.

So sometimes, when some men ask for sex, what they really want is something they more or less get from sex, but could do better and more easily in another way. Perhaps a back rub, or a long hug would better feed him what he wants.

Now let’s look at how something similar might play out in women. Is it possible that some women are so unable to see themselves as sexual they ask for snuggling when what they want and need is sex? Are they unable to ask for sex because of shame, or fear, or wrong teachings? Do they hope snuggling will turn into sex, allowing them to have it without asking for it? Might that plan be subconscious?

If you’ve ever suppressed your sexual urges because you thought they were wrong, might that still be happening? Have you trained yourself to not feel arousal? Have you learned to downplay or push desire away?

Just something to think and pray about, if it seems it might apply.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I want to feel what I feel.

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