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Shortly after Lori and I were married, I was delivering the New York Time national edition on the UT campus. This put me in student housing between 11 PM and 2 AM. One night I was on the second floor of a complex and I heard a woman seemingly enjoying sex on the third floor. My next delivery was on the third floor, but the opposite direction from the increasing volume of cries of supposed pleasure. The entire performance lasted several minutes, and was probably heard by the majority of the folks in the complex. I use the word performance because even then I knew this woman was putting on a show.

Yes, sexual vocalisation is a real thing, but what I heard that night was not how real women naturally sound during sexual pleasure.

I’m sure porn plays a part in this, teaching women that’s how they’re supposed to sound, and setting an expectation in men’s minds. But fake cries of female orgasm were around long before porn came with sound.

Various studies have looked at this issue. In one study, over a third of women admitted to faking or exaggerating sounds during sex. Another study found female vocalisation often correlated to his orgasm more than hers. In some cases, women use sounds as a way of signalling their partner. But women also make noise to hurry the man along, increase his pleasure, stroke his ego, or sell a fake orgasm. The authors of one study suggest the kind of vocalisation I heard all those years ago is a sure sign the woman is faking it.

Men very much enjoy hearing their partner express sexual pleasure vocally. This makes sense, he enjoys her pleasure, and if she seems to lose control and make a lot of noise, that tells him she’s really enjoying it. It also seems to confirm she’s having an orgasm, which is usually important to a man.

I’m not saying every woman who makes a lot of noise if faking it. Some noise is normal, and for a few, a lot of noise could be natural. Of course, given how sexually restrictive women are raised to be, it’s likely many women are holding back at least a bit. If making noise, or more noise, makes sex better for you and/or your hubby, then go for it.

On the other hand, if you have mind-blowing silent orgasms, that’s fine too. If that’s the case, your husband might need to be reassured that you’re coming, and you’re enjoying it. If adding a bit of noise to your grand finale doesn’t lessen your enjoyment, give it a try.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I don’t want to disturb the neighbours!

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