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Let’s talk about asking for sex. Anyone who asks for sex regularly will tell you it can be difficult, and hearing no too often hurts. A sigh that says “If we must” or some other form of “I don’t really want to” is also painful.

I’m addressing this both here and on The Generous Husband tomorrow. If you’re high drive, you might want to check the TGH post.

When we are not buried in snow, my wife often asks me if I want to go for a walk. How I feel about going for a walk is not part of my consideration when I answer. I know it’s something she enjoys doing with me, and that’s enough for me to want to say yes. If I am super busy, tired, or my feet or legs hurt, I may say no or suggest a short walk. Otherwise, I’m a yes. If she said “I really want to take a walk with you,” or I was aware it matters to her more than usual, I’d probably say yes even if I’d otherwise say no.

And yes, I think sex should be the same way.

If you’re usually the one being asked, do a bit of thinking before you answer. Consider how long it’s been, and ask yourself if tomorrow will be better or worse. If it’s been a week, and/or there is no way it will happen tomorrow, that should push you towards yes. Additionally, try to ascertain where he is sexually. Ask if it will be a problem if he waits twenty-four hours. You could also ask if he needs to make love, or just needs to come. 

And of course, ensuring you enjoy it and come if you want to is your absolute right.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and this is a great place for generosity. 

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