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Let me ask you a simple question:

Are you having the kind of sex you want?

While it’s a simple question, the answer is very important. A good sex life benefits us physically and mentally, and makes for a much better marriage. While both quantity and quality matter, if you’re not enjoying it, it’s not doing what it should for you.

Women have long been told sex is for men, or primarily for men, or more important for men. That has put the focus on his pleasure and enjoyment at the expense of hers. Just so we’re clear, this is in no way biblical. The Bible shows sex as mutually enjoyed, and commands men to provide for their wife sexually – which must include giving her what she wants and enjoys.

Because sex is trickier for women, I think we need to focus on her needs. The reality is he will enjoy pretty much anything she enjoys, while she won’t enjoy, or orgasm from, some of what he enjoys. I tell men to prioritise her wants and desires in bed. What I’m doing here is telling you the same thing; make your sexual enjoyment a top goal. That means sex when you most enjoy it, and the kind of foreplay and sex that makes it great for you. The result will be good sex for both of you, and if it’s good for you, odds are you will want to do it more often.

Bottom line: Sex is better when the wife is a bit sexually selfish.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and you can tell your guy I said it’s all about you!

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