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Every so often, a comment made on one of the blogs really hits me. This happened a couple of weeks ago when a wife said:

I feel like God has designed me to be a tool to meet man’s [sexual] “need”.

Those words made me very sad. I’m sad for her, and for her husband. I am also mad. Mad at the culture and church that taught her she is little more than a self-warming place for her husband to deal with his sex drive.

There is no easy answer for women who feel like this. I would agree with those who say we need to educate boys so they don’t expect their wife to be their sex toy. However, I’ve talked to couples where he doesn’t feel this way, and she does, so it’s not just men who need better education about this.

If we would just teach the Bible, we could end this. Song of Songs is abundantly clear that both the bridegroom and the bride enjoyed sex. They enjoyed it with great abandon, and couldn’t get enough of each other sexually. But to teach this, we have to get over our fear that it will somehow cause our unmarried children to have sex. We think if they get the idea that sex is enjoyable, they will run out and do it with anyone who is willing.

Here’s the thing. The world is yelling about how great sex is. Their friends are telling them how great it is. And their hormone infused bodies are screaming for it. Nothing we share from God’s Word could make them any more interested in having sex. However, if we teach them it’s great IN MARRIAGE and explain how jumping the gun can make sex far less enjoyable, we give them a reason to wait. If we further tell them masturbation is God’s way of escape from the temptation to do it now, we give them a realistic celibate path to marriage. Still not an easy path, but one that seems possible. I know folks who were taught that, who did wait.

The reason there is no easy answer is because of our fears and embarrassment. Sadly, our kids pay the price for those things. We need to do better!

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I pray for that woman, and so many others like her.

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