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New Zealand psychologist Jessica Max says we either have a sexual growth mindset or a sexual destiny mindset.

A man or woman with a sexual growth mindset thinks that sexual satisfaction takes effort and work. But with a sexual destiny mindset, you think a couple is either sexually compatible or not, and this determined how good or bad their sex life will be. So, either you believe that good sex takes work, or you believe that good sex just happens… or doesn’t.

You can no doubt see where this is going. Studies have found those with a destiny mindset are less willing to work to make sex better. And women with men with a destiny mindset have lower sexual satisfaction. Couples with a growth mindset manage to keep being sexual when problems arise, while s destiny mindset leads to sex lives ending because of things like erectile difficulty or menopause.

Destiny is hardly a Christian idea, but plenty of Christ followers have bought into it. Your marriage and your sex life can be better, if you work on them. And while both of you working is better, even one person making an effort can bring about change.

~ Paul – I’m XY, most good things take work

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
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