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Esther Perel, a psychotherapist and author of Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, says that men and women have affairs for one of two reasons. There’s something missing in the relationship, or there’s something missing in the one who cheats. And she suggests it is more often the latter.

I agree 100% with this.

Cheating is an attempt to fill what is missing. It might be a lack of attention or respect from one’s spouse, but more often it is because the one who cheats is broken. Perhaps they thought getting married would fix what was broken or missing in their life. And for a while, maybe it seemed to work. But no one else can fix your broken places or fill what is empty because of your past pain. But many assume they just didn’t find the right person to fix or fill them, so they try another.

Do you ever feel tempted to cheat? I don’t mean get naked with another guy, I mean getting too emotionally close with a man who is not your husband. Is there a guy in your life who you feel is giving you things your husband is not? If so, you are in danger of cheating. To prevent that, you need to figure out what is missing. Is it a relationship issue, or is it about you?

And, of course, all of this is true for your husband too. If he cheats, or is getting close, is it your relationship or him? If it’s him, all you can do is encourage him to get help figuring out what is broken or missing. OTOH, if it’s a relationship issue, then you have a great deal of power to change things.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and cheating never ends well.

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
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