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Does it seem your husband is forever pushing your boundaries or limits? Do you wish he would just accept the lines you’ve set?

Part of being a man is pushing the limits. It’s why we do the crazy, dangerous things we do, and why we’re driven to explore the unexplored. The relentless pushing of boundaries is why we invent things and go places. But, it can be exhausting on a relational level.

Please don’t take his pushing personally. As much as it may seem disrespectful, it’s not. He’s not testing your resolve, he’s probing for signs of change, or a willingness to change. He wants to go beyond the limits, and he’s looking for any indication you’re ready to go beyond with him. He sees “no” as a no for today, not for the rest of life.

One place where this is especially upsetting for women is the bedroom. Again, he wants to push the limits, and he wants to do it with you. Unfortunately, he can easily come across as not caring about you or your feelings.

If you understand the boundary pushing drive behind what he does, maybe you can deal with it better. If you think a boundary is one you might be willing to move later, let him know. Also let him know when you feel a boundary is long term or permanent. If you let him know which lines you might someday cross, he may stop pushing the ones you say you will never cross.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I love pushing the limits!

[This post first appeared Sept 24, 2014.]

Image Credit: © scottchan | freedigitalphotos.net
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