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Last week, I talked to the guys about sexual concordance. Today it’s your turn. Sexual concordance means that your mental arousal matches bodily arousal. In other words, your mind knows you are horny when your body is aroused.

Multiple studies have found men as a group have much better sexual concordance than women. You have a lot in your way of feeling arousal. You don’t have the bio-feed back of an erection. Yes, your body changes in ways you can feel, but they are subtler and not noticeable as quickly as an erection. This makes it easier to miss, ignore, or suppress arousal. Beyond that there’s the good girls don’t feel, want, or think about sex rubbish we throw at girls. And many of you have been aroused when you didn’t want to be, such as with a pushy date. His actions had the desire effect on your body, but mentally, or emotionally you didn’t want sex with him, so you ignored what was happening in your body.

Sadly, all of this can create a habit that causes a woman problems in her marriage bed. In some women, the disconnect is so bad she doesn’t know she is going to have an orgasm before it happens.

None of this is to say your body is the best gauge of where you are sexually. Physical arousal can happen when sex isn’t possible or desirable. However, if a woman is not aware of arousal, she won’t pursue sex, and may not be inclined to do it when hubby asks.

Have you been trained to ignore or downplay sexual arousal?

~ Paul – I’m XY, and sex shouldn’t be so difficult!

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