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I’ve gone back and forth with myself about doing a follow-up on last week’s Great Sex in Marriage post. I don’t think I made my point well, so I will take another shot at it.

Several women suggested I was overlooking the many things that can mess with a woman’s sexuality. While I didn’t address menstruation, PMS, pregnancy, post-partum, nursing, or menopause, I am as aware of these as any man can be. I watched Lori go through all of those, plus a hysterectomy. I’ve done a lot of reading about these things for decades, and Lori and I have discussed them with many women and couples. There’s an almost endless list of things that can mess with sex, and yes, more of them affect women than men. But none of this is really relevant to the point I was trying to make.

I am convinced our sexuality is far more about what is happening between our ears than what is or is not happening between our legs.

I see far more sexual limits because of what people think or feel than because of physical limits. And when it is the body, how a person feels about sex often keeps them from finding a solution. It’s incredibly rare for a couple to face a physical issue that makes it impossible for them to have mutually enjoyable and satisfying sex. That includes men who can’t get a hint of an erection, and men and women who feel nothing below the waist because of an injury. 

I wonder is some don’t feel they deserve a great sex life. They want it, and may not see it as wrong to want or have it. But when it’s not working, they won’t pursue a solution as hard as they would for other things. A willingness to accept some problem as the end of our sex life shows how we really feel about sex. An unwillingness to get medical help for sexual issues is another indication of how we feel. 

This is why I spend a lot of time attacking wrong attitudes and lies about sex. It’s why I go after ungodly theology that makes sex anything other than a wonderful gift God expected couples to enjoy for their entire marriage. And it’s why I see physical challenges as things to overcome, not a reason to have less sex.

Do you believe God intended you to enjoy sex a great deal? If so, what are you doing to make that a reality in your marriage?

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I think great sex is primarily a choice

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai 
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