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Sex isn’t as intuitive as we think. Lori and I have worked with folks who had all kinds of problems when they got married because sex is neither as simple nor as obvious as expected. Some couples struggled because they got no real sex education. Others had problems because they thought porn qualified as sex education. Throw in nervousness and shyness, and a couple’s first sex can be anything from disappointing to frustrating to disastrous. 

But it’s not just the first few times. Some couple’s early problems follow them for years or decades. Some women don’t enjoy sex, or don’t enjoy it as they could, because of things the couple has never figured out. Some men turn to porn and their own hand because sex with their wife is just too confusing and frustrating. Even couples who have worked it out pretty well may have some area where they have just given up.

If any of this sounds like your sex life, please don’t settle. Know you’re not alone. Most couples have some part of sex that’s not really working for them. And most could get past it with a bit of effort. Talk with hubby. Ask hard questions, and be open and honest. Try some hands on sex education. Get a book. Seek third party help. Don’t let embarrassment or fear keep you from all that God wants you to have!

~ Paul – I’m XY, and sex is not as intuitive as we pretend.

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