Podcast: Download

My wife tells the story of going with me to a hardware store I had never been in before. I walked in and said to a male employee, “screw eyes”. He answered, “Aisle 5”. That was the entire “conversation”.

Lori says a female customer would have said, “I need to hang a humming-bird feeder, and I’m looking for a decorative screw eye…” She also told me a female employee might have found my approach a bit rude.

Neither method of obtaining the location of the screw eyes is wrong, nor is one inherently better. However, gender differences mean my request is best suited for use with another man. Most women want (need?) more than the raw facts when they communicate. For women, communication is not just about sharing information, it is usually also about relationship. For men, communication is about exchanging needed information, and efficiency is often prized.

Two applications:

1. When your husband gives you limited words, possibly less than a proper sentence, he is not trying to show disrespect. He probably does the same with men all the time. He may have no idea it bothers you, and if he does know he likely does not understand why.
2. When you give him large amounts of information, he may feel flooded and get lost trying to find the information he needs in your many words. He may miss the point altogether if what you want him to know is near the end of what you say.

The two of you communicate in different ways. Neither is wrong, but neither works well for the other. If you each move a bit towards the communication style of the other, you can avoid all manner of problems.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’ve learned not to use one-word sentences with my wife!

[This post first appeared Nov 10, 2014.]

Image Credit: © Photo by Joshua J. Cotten on Unsplash
Shop Amazon ♦ Shop to give links page
We’re donation supported Thanks for your help!
This post may contain affiliate links, see my disclosure for info.