The XY Code

Handjobs get a bad rap. Many treat them like the red-headed stepchild of sex acts. I’ve heard a few men say something along the lines of “If I want a hand, I’ll use mine.” I think some look down on handjobs because when they were younger a handjob was what one got when they couldn’t get a girl to do anything more. Once he’s married and can get “real sex” the idea of a handjob may seem beneath him.

As for women, perhaps some recall giving a handjob because some guy made them feel guilty about his arousal and it was the least they felt they could get by with. Hardly a memory that makes her want to use her hand on her husband. I’ve also heard from more than a few women who won’t do it because they have no idea how to do it.

In reality, a handjob can be a highly pleasurable experience for a man, and it can be a wonderful expression of love. When a man tells me he’s not into handjobs I assume he’s never had a good handjob and can’t even imagine what a great one would be like. From the female perspective, a handjob seems like a great option if she’s not interested in sex but he is and she wants to provide something for him. It’s not physically strenuous, she’s not left with a mess, and her jaw won’t get sore. It’s also an act that’s flexible; join him in the shower, do it during a commercial break, make him glad he woke up with an erection, or offer between dinner and dessert!

Please don’t let what I said about good and great worry you. Giving a good handjob is easy, and with a bit of practice, you will learn how to turn him inside out with your hand. One of the great things about a handjob is it’s all about him. He gets to lie back and enjoys while you drive him to new levels of physical pleasure.

Before we dive in, let’s get a bit of biology down.

The underside of your husband’s erect penis looks something like the drawing above. If your husband hasn’t been circumcised, pulling his foreskin all the way down will give you this view.

The head is far more sensitive than the shaft. Stimulation of the shaft feels good, but it won’t cause him to climax. The corona is the ridge all around the head where it meets the shaft. The corona is particularly sensitive. The frenulum is a tag of skin, and it is the most sensitive spot he has.

Sensitive is a relative term here. No part of his penis is as sensitive as your clitoris. Neither is any part of his penis as delicate as your vulva is. One common complaint men have about how their wife handles their penis is that she’s too gentle. He can handle, and probably wants, firmer and stronger pressure than you want. Ask him if he wants a firmer grasp or faster movement and adjust accordingly. If he’s circumcised his penis is even less sensitive. The foreskin is more easily damaged than any other part of the penis. If he’s uncircumcised a good long handjob might leave him a little bit sore, but he probably won’t complain. 

Keeping him well lubricated is a must. Aside from reducing the chance of him getting sore, lubrication makes what you do feel better. Any sexual lube will work, but some are better than others. Water-based lubes will dry out and need to be reapplied more often. Oil or silicon are better choices for this reason. A thick lube feels different from a thin lube, and he may have a preference. Once he gets good and aroused he may not be aware if he needs more lube, so it’s up to you to keep an eye on that. Lube early and lube often!

Unless you’re giving a quickie handjob, your position matters. You want him comfortable to maximise his enjoyment, and you want to have good access to him and not positioned so that your muscles don’t hurt afterwards. You also want to make sure you don’t end up sore. Him lying down and you seated near him is a good option. You can sit to one side of him or between his legs. Either of these gives you a good view and allows you to use both hands.

Start by getting him fully erect. The harder his penis is, the better your touch feels. Pulling from the base to the tip is a good way to encourage an erection if he’s a bit slow. There’s no hurry here, take your time. If you think he might be uptight about not getting erect fast tell him you enjoy watching him change as you slowly make him hard. If he’s young this is probably a non-issue. Slow erections become more and more likely as he ages and/or when he’s had a strenuous day physically.

Most men enjoy prolonged handjobs and especially enjoy being taken to the very brink of climax without finishing. Get him to the brink, then stop all stimulation for a few seconds before starting again with a less stimulating touch. Another way to do this is to move stimulation to the shaft when he’s close. Teasing him like this is good for two reasons. First, a near climax is a very good feeling, and having a number of those is as close to multiple orgasms as most men will ever get. Second, all the teasing pushes his arousal level up, which results in a much better orgasm when you do finish him. If you get really good at this you will be able to keep him going as long as you like, and you will have to learn if his “demand” to climax means you should finish him or you should stop short a few more times. Ten minutes of this will seem like an eternity to him. 

If he has his foreskin, you have some extra options. You can stimulate him by holding him mid-shaft and moving the foreskin up and down over the head. Odds are you can take him to climax this way if you want to. You can also pull the foreskin back and hold it down with one hand and then work his penis as if he were circumcised. Because the head of an uncircumcised penis is very sensitive this can be great for him, but it may be possible to overstimulate him.

Circumcised or not, pulling the skin of the shaft down to the base and keeping it taut will increase his pleasure. Make a ring with your index finger and thumb and use it to keep the skin tight while you stroke and touch him with the other hand. If you want to do this and still have both hands free, ask him to hold the skin down. Doing this gives him added feedback and may make the experience even better for him.

Up and down strokes are a good way to start. You can do this with the thumb and index finger, or use your whole fist. Explore various amounts of squeezing, different speeds, and a bit of a twisting movement. Try doing just the shaft, which is a tease. You can also do just the head. Another option is to go in one direction only instead of up and down. You can do it from base to tip or tip to base. You can also do it with two hands one after the other in rapid succession – some men really like this. 

Once he is good and aroused, start to focus on the head of his penis. Run a finger around the corona, or use two or three fingertips in a back and forth twisting motion. Rub the parts of the underside of the penis above the corona and either side of the place where the glans join together. Gentle direct stimulation of the frenulum can be especially wild for him, but don’t do too much as he is likely to get sore. If he’s been close to climax for a good while trying finishing him with just frenulum stimulation.

One move that is very powerful is making a ring with your thumb and forefinger and pulling it up the shaft from midshaft the corona to just past. Make the ring very tight and move up only, separating your fingers and bringing them together again below the corona. Or, if his corona is prominent, slide up till you hit it and then go down and do it again – repeatedly bumping with a fair amount of force. Do either of these with his skin held taught and he won’t last long.

Beyond these ideas, experiment. There are all kinds of ways to pleasure him, and what he’ll like best is personal to him. Most men masturbate one way and one way only, so you can easily come up with moves he’s never tried. He will probably communicate his pleasure to you; if he doesn’t, ask questions. Do two things and ask “Which feels better, this… or this?”

The final thing you need to learn is how to read his body so you know how aroused he is and when he’s about to orgasm. This is especially important if you want to stop him just short of climax a few times before you finish him. An early sign he is close is his testicles pulling up close to his body. If you keep him close they may stay there a good long while. Body tension usually increases shortly before ejaculation, and his breathing will also change. But again, if you tease him well these may continue for a long time. The best way to read him is to pay careful attention to his penis. He will get extra hard just before his climax. For most men, the surest signs are changes in the head of the penis. This could be a colour change, or it might get larger or firmer. It might also look like the skin has become tighter. Any of these is your last warning he’s about to blow!

When he does climax, be sure you finish him well. For most men, the head of the penis becomes hypersensitive after climax. How sensitive and how fast this happens varies from man to man. If you stop or back-off stimulation too soon he won’t get all the pleasure he could. If you go too long or don’t back off fast enough you will overstimulate him. If you pay attention to how he moves when he climaxes during intercourse you should get a rough idea. Then it’s trial and error.

In general, you want to slow down during his climax. Some men will enjoy a bit of stimulation after, some are too sensitive. Along these same lines, it is possible to stop stimulation too late to prevent his climax. If this happens be sure to start again and tapper off so he has a good orgasm.

If you teased him a lot be prepared for more semen and more forceful squirting than usual. Once he’s done ejaculating, he might enjoy you milking the last bit of semen out of his penis and gently cleaning him up. And he might not. BTW, if you angle his penis slightly towards his head when he ejaculates you can keep the semen mostly out of his pubic hair. 

Once you become a virtuoso with his penis, look for ways to use your new power.

• If he wakes up with an erection, grab it and give him a handjob. You should be able to take him to climax in a couple of minutes if either or both of you need to get moving on your day.
• Join him in the shower and “wash” his penis till he has an orgasm.
• If you have the privacy, give him a fast handjob during a long commercial break. You can make this even better by setting the lube and a hand towel on the coffee table at the start of a show.
• As you climb into bed at night say “I need to practice giving a handjob” or something else to let him know to roll on his back and prepare to enjoy.
• If you had sex earlier in the day, or in the early evening, ask him if he wants a happy ending to sleep on.

A few ideas to spice up a handjob:

• Kiss him, especially open mouth (French) kissing, as you stroke him.
• Talk admiringly about his penis.
• Share a fantasy with him, telling him about the two of you having sex.
• Take him to the brink, then stop for a minute or more before you continue.
• As above, but tell him he gets to come after he makes you come.
• Put a couple of extra pillows under his head and ask him to watch closely. Or set up a mirror so he can get a different angle.
• When he can’t take it anymore, undress and climb on to finish him inside you.
• Add a bit of oral, either along the way or for his climax,
• Show him your breasts.
• When he’s close, put one of his hands on one of your breasts.
• Try touching his testicles gently. Some guys like this, some don’t.
• When he’s close keep going but slow down more and more to keep him on the edge for a long time.
• After he’s come, tell him he got you horny and you are going to jump him tomorrow.

I’ve only scratched the surface here. Please add ideas in the comments!

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