Do you ever feel your husband is constantly trying to pull you to be more sexual or to be more sexually adventuresome? If so, check yourself, do you constantly try to get him to be less sexual or less sexually adventuresome?

Or perhaps it’s reversed in your marriage: you’re always working for more while it seems he is always trying to pull you the other way.

I think we all have a sexual comfort point. As long as sex doesn’t go beyond that, we’re fine. But when our spouse tries to go further, we get uncomfortable. And rather than just saying “I’m not comfortable with that” we push back. We try to balance out spouse’s desire to “overindulge” by holding back even more or pulling back from things we were okay with before. Our spouse then reacts to this by pushing even harder and further. It becomes an ongoing attempt to balance each other by moving further and further away from the centre.

If this goes unchecked it can become a major source of frustration for both spouses. The solution is to stop trying to balance him. If you’re the more reserved, stop reacting to his “enthusiasm” by being less willing than you would be if he were calmer about it. If you’re the more adventuresome one, stop pushing for more and more in an attempt to balance his resistance.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I’ve learned trying to balance Lori out never ends well.

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