If you asked your husband “Would you like to find me naked at the door when you get home?” what do you think he would say?

What if you went on to explain finding you naked was an offer that required him to provide enough foreplay so you can both enjoy the sex? 

I bring this up based on a comment on last Friday’s post. I wonder if women tend to think that when men want their wife to be sexually proactive that requires 1) that she be horny, and 2) that she comes up with ideas on her own. Most men are okay with neither of those being in place. They would like both to be true, but not having one or both isn’t a deal breaker, so long as they know the parameters going in. Among other things that means letting him know if you’re ready to go, need some foreplay, or are doing it just for him.

If you want to explore this, I’d start by asking him a few “Would you like _____?” questions. Then once you’ve shown him you’re willing to really talk about it, ask him to suggest things he thinks he might like. Assume his initial suggestions are valid but that he’s holding back. If you do a couple of the things he mentions and then ask him again he should be more forthcoming. 

A few questions to get your thinking started:

• How would you feel about being awakened with oral sex?
• Do you think you would like spontaneous morning handjobs?
• How would you feel about me jumping in the shower and washing your penis until you climax?
• Would you like it if I presented myself naked and said “You have three minutes, go?
• If I start doing something just for you and get horny, would you be willing to what I need to enjoy it too?

I realise some of you are on the other side of this, being the higher drive spouse. However, if your husband has expressed an interest in more sex than you desire, please consider finding some ways to sometimes do something just for him.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and I hate it when either spouse is sexually frustrated. 

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