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Recently, Lori told me the sink was clogged. I had just cleared it the night before. She said I got defensive about it. I trust her on this, and looking back, I could see she was right. But there was no good reason for it.

So I spent some time praying to figure out why I reacted as I did.

I realised that I felt accused by her. But as I looked it, I could see she had not been that way. If anything, she had seemed a bit afraid to mention it. So I dug deeper.

As a guy, I feel responsible for things like the sink. Not every guy feels that way, but many do. And for me, because of stuff from growing up, when something I’m responsible for is broken, I’m in trouble. That makes me defensive. And knowing I am going to be defensive makes Lori hesitant, which just adds to my issues.

We had a nice talk about all this, and got past our hurt. Even more importantly, both of us now have information that could help us avoid this kind of interaction in the future.

Sometimes your reaction to your husband is not about him, it’s about something in your past. Likewise for your husband’s reactions to you. Keeping this in mind can make your marriage run more smoothly.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and the sink clog was my fault, which just make it worse in my head!

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
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