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Last month, Lori suggested I do something differently than I had just done it by saying, “Don’t you want to [do it this other way]?”

I’d had a long day, and was in pain, and I only just managed to avoid saying “If I’d wanted to do it that way, I’d have done it that way.” 

I know this is a common way women make suggestions. It tends to work well among other women, but men often feel the way I stated above. We don’t see it as a kind suggestion. Rather, we hear it as “Why are you doing it that way”. And we may hear “What’s wrong with you” or even “You’re stupid.”

I know Lori doesn’t mean any of those things, but it’s still what I hear first. Lori understands men generally react this way to that kind of “suggestion” and it has been a very long time since she has done it. But as I said, it had been a long day.

If you do this with your husband, I suggest you try to stop. Perhaps he has learned it doesn’t mean what he hears, but if he still hears it, that’s not a good thing.

~ Paul – I’m XY, and stuff happens

Image Credit: © Paul H Byerly created with stockdreams.ai
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